don't realize what you have until it is gone

I have been wanting to write about something like this for awhile. But it kept getting put off. Last night came, and it reminded me that I want to say something. Brett was on his message board (for salt water fish tanks) and came and woke me up to talk. He had come across a thread where another guy was talking about his wife getting leukemia, and unfortunately she didn't make it. This upset Brett, so much that he had to come and wake me up to talk to me. He told me about some of the things he thought about while I was in surgery on November 27th, and when they didn't think I was going to make it. He told me how he thought about the last few things we said to each other before I got wheeled in for surgery. On of those things was "see you soon".

"See you soon" came from Danika. That is what she would always say instead of good-bye, which makes sense. I think of these things now. Should we say good-bye, or see you soon. Sometimes when I am talking to the kids or Brett and I say "I am going to do _____" then start to say- "if it is the last thing I do". But I stop myself. I don't want to say things like that anymore.

This whole situation has got me thinking in a new way. It has made me realize all that I have, and thankfully we got to realize that before it all was gone. It has also made me realize it is not what items you have that make you who you are- but your friends and family- the company you keep.

Brett and I were living life. We had a nice, big, fancy house (not bragging here- just let me get to it). We were married, happy, had (have) a wonderful family. Our kids are amazing (yes I am bragging here). Everything was going good. Once this happened- it could have all been taken away. Yes, we had to move- we are now in a small condo- but that is not what matters- we, us, our family is together, and still happy and amazing.

We got to realize that it is not the house you live in, the car you drive or the items that you have that make you happy or who you are. We got to realize this without losing it. Things could have turned out way different. I could have lost everything- the items I owned, the truck I drove, the house I lived in- but most importantly my kids, husband, family and friends. Brett could have lost me. My kids could have lost their mommy.

I had a friend growing up who didn't have her mom. She passed away giving birth to her. So her dad had her and her older brother himself. They didn't have much, and I do, honestly, remember wondering how tough that was for them, but also wondering why they didn't have some of the things that I did. I was lucky, I had my parents, and my grandmother who lived with us. I didn't think we had much- but now I am learning we had what mattered, we had each other.

We just want to pass this message along to everyone. Look at what you really have, look deep into your heart at what really matters- is it the things you have paid for? Or is it your friends and family? I ask myself everyday- what if I didn't make it- do all of my friends and family know how much they mean to me, how much I love each and every one of them?

I got the chance to let them all know for sure- but some people aren't so lucky. So make sure you let your friends and family know how much they mean to you, and how much you love them. Next time you are worried about paying a bill, money, or the million things that you "think" you have to get done that day- stop and think- do those things really matter that much- then tell someone that you love that you love them. It will make you feel better, and also make their day too! (even if they know it).

I want to take this time to tell all my friends, family and supporters through this whole thing how much they all mean to me. I love you all, and couldn't have done this without you!

To my little boy Bryce. I am so glad that you are in our lives. I love your "I am getting into trouble" smile. I love your giggle, and I love your hugs. I love you from head to toe. As much as one day you will not like this- you are my baby and always will be! Thanks for giving me those "get better mommy" smiles too- they helped pull me through.

To my beautiful girl Danika. It took awhile for you to decide to join us. But we are glad you did- you changed our lives for the better, and forever. I love your energy, I love that you are an individual. I love your laugh, and how you call us funny! I love your little kisses that you shower us with all the time. I love you from head to toe. You are my princess, and you know it! Thanks to you for helping take care of me, and being my "doctor at home"

To my amazing husband. I love you. Words can not begin to express how much I love you. I have loved you since we met. I have loved you more and more each day. When we took our vows- and promised to love each other no matter what, through sickness and health- I never thought we would need that sickness vow. Going through this has shown me a different man than the one I married. I still love the man I married, but he has grown. You had to learn to do many things that you didn't do before- things for me, things for the kids, and things around the house. There were some stressful times- but we all pulled through, and that is thanks to you. You have stood by my side through good times and bad, and I know I couldn't have done it without you. I hope you know how much you mean to me, and the kids. You are the most amazing man I have ever known in my life! Thank you for being that man, the man I married, the man I fell in love with, and the man you have become. I can't wait to see what our future holds. I love you!