What happened???

So, since I have a second or two, I thought I would write down what has happened in the last month and a bit. Some of it is a blur to me, but I will explain why...

On October 26th I had gall bladder surgery. I had been having this pain since Bryce was born, and I was so happy to have it out and move on with life! I hadn't been able to lift Bryce for awhile due to the pain, I had to watch what I ate and drank- and even then sometimes I got this horrible pain. So, I did that- and everything was fine. I had to take a week off work, but after that I was good. I still couldn't lift Bryce because for 6 weeks after I couldn't lift over 10 pounds.

Well, about a week and a half after that, I started having this horrible shoulder pain in my left shoulder. I thought it was just the gas that they use during the surgery- so I left it alone. But by the time I had to go for my follow up appointment I was in a ton of pain. I could barely sleep, couldn't really breath- even reading a page in one of Danika's short stories- well I couldn't get through it without being out of breath. So- I went in for my follow up appointment. My dr told me that it wasn't from the gas- there is no way, because it wouldn't take that long to show up. So he sent me for an ultrasound of my legs to see if I had blood clots- nope- no clots.

So, a couple days later I got Brett to drop me at the south Calgary health center and I saw the urgent care dr. He checked me out- they did an EKG, he found nothing- so he told me it was probably a pinched nerve in my shoulder and I would have to go to physio.

With this I tried to feel better. But when the weekend came that we had planned to decorate the house, and all I wanted to, and could do is lay on the couch- I knew I had to get in to see my own dr. So Monday morning I called and explained that I HAD to get in to see her. She only works on Wednesdays and Thursdays- so they said they would call me first thing Wednesday morning to let me know if I could get in. So, I suffered for a couple more days- knowing that she would get me in.

Wednesday November 26th is when our lives changed in the biggest way we ever thought possible. My drs office called in the morning and told me I could get in that afternoon. I snuck out of the house so Danika didn't come with me, and left Brett with the day home kids sleeping- telling him I would be back ASAP. I got to my dr, and she told me she knew she had to fit me in because I am never in there, I never complain, so when she saw that I had called she knew something was wrong. She examined me, and sent me next door for a chest x-ray. At this point I was in major pain, I could barely walk to the x-ray place. I did my x-ray and went back to her office to get the results.

She called me into one of the rooms, and told me I needed to get to the ER at Foothills right away they knew I was coming. I started to freak out because I had the truck, and Brett was at home with the kids (my dr is all the way across the city from our house). She told me that my left lung was FULL of fluid and I was lucky to be alive. I needed to get it drained ASAP. So, I called my step mom to come and get me to take me to the hospital- and we would leave the truck for Brett and his dad to get later. I called Brett and told him what was going on- he called all the day home parents and got the kids picked up and his mom dropped him at the hospital.

We didn't have to wait long- but it seemed like forever. My step mom and sister went home, and Brett decided to go get some dinner. That is when I got called into the back. They explained what was going to happen and did that right away. They told me I would be there over night, just so they could watch the drain and then I could go home. This is where it gets a bit fuzzy to me for the first time. I am not sure if at this point (after the lung drain) if Brett went home then- or after the heart drain. Yep- they also found fluid around my heart- which they said they had to drain right away, but it was risky because of where they had to go. So they did that- then told me about how much fluid was in my lung- basically it shot out and soaked the dr before he could get the tube in- he had to go shower and change.

After all of this my shoulder was still hurting. I was in pain, they gave me heat packs but it wasn't working. So they started doing more tests. I went for a CT scan or two- which were horrible. And I remember all the drs staring at me, and coming over and looking at things- I even asked my nurse why they keep looking at me, and if there was something else wrong. (by this point for sure Brett had gone home- thinking he was coming back the next day to take me home).

At about 2:30am, the nurse told me she needed to call Brett back to the hospital. But he wasn't answering his phone. I told her to just keep calling over and over because he was like that when he was sleeping. So she did, and he called his mom to bring him back to the hospital, and my step mom to come down and watch the kids. Then he got back to the hospital. I remember them getting there and coming to me and asking what was going on- and I said I didn't know.

My dr in the ER was one of those funny drs. He was really good- but then my mom called to see what was up. The nurse was talking to her- then asked me if I wanted her to come out (she lives in BC). I said I didn't know because I didn't know what was going on. So she let her talk to the funny dr. I knew something was wrong when he turned away from me, and got really quiet. He then told me that she was getting on the next plane and would be here as soon as she could.

As soon as Brett and his mom were there, they moved me to ICU. Then told them to go and wait in the waiting room there. they did some more tests and stuff. Then a dr came in, introduced himself and said- you are the sickest person here right now, and we are going to have to do some surgery. This will be tough, and it is life threatening, we could lose you at any point- but we have to do it or you will die. You have cancer, and you have a HUGE tumor that is blocking your airway- you are actually lucky to still be alive. (keep in mind I am alone- Brett and his mom are in the waiting room). I told them that was fine- and signed the consent for surgery. Then they brought in the surgeons to introduce them to me- and one was the gall bladder dr- who just got promoted to ICU surgeon.

Then they told me they would get my visitors to let them know what is going on. Brett and his mom came around the corner, and I told them to sit down- but Brett was refusing. I had to keep saying it. Then the dr told them the news- and that they had to put a breathing tube in my throat and do a few more things- and it was a tough surgery. Then they let us say good-bye so they could prep me.

After they prepped me, we waited for all the people that had to be in the OR. Once they were ready they took me in for one of the most painful experiences of my life. Most of the surgery I was mostly awake and could feel them sticking things in me- I had thins in my thigh, feet, crotch- everywhere! When they did one thing though- don't know what it was- they told me they were giving me something and I would see pink flying elephants- and I did- along with Dora and Diego and we were on an adventure. A couple times during the surgery I remember seeing a light and talking to it- saying I was not ready, I had two kids and a husband that need me. I remember fighting to keep breathing and staying alive- when people say they were fighting for their life- they meant it- you really do feel yourself fighting. I don't remember coming out of there- but I remember seeing Brett- a bit and holding onto his hand.

Brett told me after that the drs kept giving them updates and sometimes they were not so positive. Mom got there half way through- but the surgery was over 3 hours. I remember seeing her too when I woke up. I was out of it for about 5 days in the ICU- I remember some people coming to visit, I remember the lady across from me had a tv and it was very loud and sci fi stuff. I remember trying to write things down for Brett because I had a breathing tube and couldn't talk.

And then I remember being moved up to the 5th floor of the Tom Baker Cancer Centre. The nurses were waiting for a porter- and none were coming, and the nurses on the 5th floor were waiting for me, so they decided to move me themselves. Well that was scary. (oh- by this point I had my breathing tube out). I got up there- and basically had an anxiety attack because I didn't have a nurse watching me 24/7. It was good though- they gave me something to help me sleep, and Brett was able to stay there. My mom was home with the kids.

The next day they sort of explained what was going on- and that I had Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia and that I had a HUGE mass crushing my airway. So they had started chemo in ICU, and would continue it there. I had to go for a few chest x-rays over the next couple days to check the lung- which got better. And then we spend our time in the hospital. I had to learn how to walk and balance again, practice breathing etc. And with help of physio I got pretty good- although the smallest exercise wore me out and I needed a nap!

It was then a few weeks of pills, needles, IV's etc. I also had to have a bag of platelets and the next day a bag of blood. After I got that- my numbers (white blood count, red blood count, platelets etc) started turning around and looked good.

About 2 weeks before Christmas they moved me to the 4th floor. I don't know what the difference is- but I think it is for patients that don't need as much attention. So on the Saturday while mom was there they moved me to a room on the 4th floor. I got all set up there- pictures up, got comfy, and spent my night there. The next morning I convinced Brett to go get Breakfast so he could eat with me. While he was getting food the nurse came in and asked me if I wanted to go home for a couple hours. I was crying when Brett came back and he almost threw his food across the room- he looked terrified. Then I told him that I could go home for a couple hours. We were so happy- I hadn't seen the kids in 3 weeks! So we called my mom- who was on her way to relieve Brett so he could go home and shower etc- and told her to turn around to go and get me clothes so I could come home. She was so happy too.

Then the nurse came back in and told me that the drs said I could go home for the night- and she was going to get my meds- we just had to be back by 8 the next morning. That was fine with us. Being home was scary- but good. I loved being home and being with the kids. When we went back in the next morning- they did my chemo, and did my bone marrow scan- which wasn't as bad as I thought- but was painful- but they give you good meds- then got my meds and told me I could go home until Friday- which was my last day of chemo. But- there was a catch- someone had to give me my shot for my blood clot. Right away I thought- great- I am here forever. But mom offered to do it. So that was good. When we got home we told Brett and he actually offered to learn- so he watched mom, and did it the next day and has done it every day since. This is a big accomplishment for Brett, which you know if you know him. But, the needle just goes in my belly, and I have no feeling where it goes due to the c-sections, so I think that helps him. I was home until Friday- went in to do my last dose of chemo and was told again to go home for the weekend- come back Monday for my CT scan.

The CT scan on Monday was a bit more of a pain. Not really the CT part- but the IVs- it took them 3 nurses and 5 pokes (which are nothing but painful) to get it in. Then I went down for the CT scan, which took 5 minutes- and made me feel like I peed my pants- for real. I was pretty sure Brett was going to have to go home and get me new cloths! They put some dye in your IV- which makes you feel like you drank hot chocolate- then right away gets warm "down there" and you feel like you peed yourself! Then I was back in the room.

We weren't sure what they were going to say. But we waited for the results. The nurse came in first to tell me my numbers from my blood work came back and they are looking GREAT. Then she told us that the drs don't want to see me until the 5th of January! So we took that as good news from the CT scan. But still were not told. The nurse told us that she was getting all of my meds together and the dr would be in to talk to me soon. When the dr came in she told us that the tumor had shrunk considerably- so they are giving my body a break while they decide what we have to do next- more chemo, bone marrow transplant or radiation. And that I could stay home for the holidays!

I had to go in on Monday (the 28th) to get a dressing changed, but that was all. It has been good. I feel great. I am gaining more and more energy and able to do a few more things. I have held Bryce and fed him- which I haven't done since the end of October! I have read to Danika and she has read to me. I put her on my knee and cuddled. And have even helped her with potty, and sat with her while she had a bath. It has been very good being home. Now I just have to worry about what they are going to do and say on Tuesday- we have no idea what the next step is, or what will be done. I am hoping they just do another round of Chemo if they have to do anything- and if they do another CT scan I am hoping they can do the other kind- and I don't need an IV!

In other news- we decided while I was in the hospital that we would sell the house. I wont be able to work for at least a year- and when I go back to work it wont be with young kids- due to the germs. So Brett and I decided that I would be a stay at home mom until Bryce is in school. No part time job that I can get (after a year or so) will pay enough to put these two in daycare. So selling the house was our only option. We got lucky and sold within 24 hours- to the first people who came through. Then on boxing day we were able to look at a couple places- and found the perfect house. It is a townhouse- but the perfect layout- and big enough. We were worried that going smaller our kitchen wouldn't be big enough for our table, and our room wouldn't be big enough for our bed- but the place we found has plenty of space. And the basement isn't done- so Brett will develop that with his office and an entertainment room for us! We are VERY excited about this place and so happy to be moving there- and our payments will be about 1/3 of what we are paying here- so things are looking WAY up. We are actually looking at this move as a "meant to happen" type thing- now we will know how to live within our means and have money left over. We are so excited to be moving and can't wait. Although this was our dream house- or so we thought- we realize it is a bit over the top! We are so happy to be going to something smaller, cozier and enjoy our family with less stresses! Luckily we don't have to wait long- because we move January 29th! The new place is very close to everything we need too- 2 grocery stores, restaurants, gas stations, bank, stores, park, etc- all within walking distance- like less than a 5 minute walk. We are right at the end of deerfoot- so we can get anywhere quickly- and Brett will only be about 10 minutes from the church he cleans. We honestly can't say how excited we are about this place! Oh- and it used to be Calgary housing- but a builder bought it from the city and re-did all the units- so it is all brand new inside. New paint, carpet, flooring, fixtures- etc- even our appliances- they still have their stickers and plastic on them! So we are going from new to old- but new! I will post pictures after the move!

So- that is the update for now- I will update more when I can!

Thanks to everyone for everything- including thoughts and prayers- they are really working!